The banker was one of my old bosses in the finance job in the wharfs best mates. 6.4 and nice looking, he worked in one of the other big towers in Canary Wharf and lived 13 mins on the tube from mine. He had messaged my old boss when we got chatting via Tinder and I had gotten a good review - so our first date was booked in. I had been wanting to work on my abysmal golf swing for a while. It was actually something the MD had been promising to take me to play but had never followed through on so when The Banker suggested it I was keen. He took it fairly seriously and brought his own club, and a small one for me. Cute.
When we met of the tube in North Greenwich I was pleased to see he looked like his snaps. Better even - and he had a huge smile for waiting for me. We walked over from the O2 the short distance to the driving range and he brought us the tickets for 100 balls worth of fun. This is such a good date if you havent done it - especially if you fancy them as you can get loads of help from the dude (he will jump at the chance to stand behind you and help work on your #Tekkers. Like literally you just have to stand there and look slightly unsure and #Bang he has assumed the position. I guess this would be a bit awkward if he turns up and isnt a bit of you though. So watch out girls.
The Banker was really chilled out too. Which was great for me as I just want an easy life. Especially when it comes to guys. He was funny, smiley and teased me loads, in fact that was pretty much the basis of all our chats. So he was bags of fun. After all the flirting he asked if I was hungry (obvs yes) and he took me for some spicy Brazilian food at the 02. He wouldn't let me pay and listened in great detail to everything I said. #Magic.
After dinner he walked me to an uber as a tube strike had kicked in after 6pm that evening and in the rain he kissed me goodbye. Being over a foot taller than me it was pretty romantic if I am honest. He was off on holiday to Marrakech in the week that followed but messaged everyday. He also suggested a second date at the spa. I told him that I couldn't afford it (London spas are a law unto themselves when it comes to cost and with out hesitating he just said "It's my treat - you can get us lunch"
Now i've said before I am not about that gold digging life, in fact i'm pretty much the opposite and go mad spoiling anyone that I care about: the girls, family, the puppy, boys... I dont discriminate and presents and treats are a huge part of how I show that #LeoLove. But if a guy suggests something expensive then by now I don't feel guilty letting him pay. If I asked to go to a spa and then expected him to fork out this would be a different blog. #SugarDaddyDaterella.
So the Banker sounds to good to be true huh? And the spa was such a sexy date. I had bikini body prepped as best I could. Which in January was a job in itself post all that crimbo munching. We are talking all hair removed from the eyebrows down, as many sun beds as I could squeeze in and not eating for a week. (I only actually managed 8 hours pre-date and that was because I was asleep overnight) We went to the gym in the hotel first. He showed me his moves lifting weights and as I only really do classes at the gym I showed him my moves getting us cups of water and winding him up about his muscles.
We got out of our gym gear and into our swimming stuff and dressing gowns and I met him at the hot tub. I took my robe off and he didn't vomit at the sight of me in a bikini. The spa was deserted on a friday morning and we enjoyed the bubbles to ourselves. He messed around with me the water (splashing and some light faux drowning attempts - lots of giggling) and we moved to the sauna. It was going so well. And as I lay down on the hot wooden bench I could feel him staring at me. He leant over. Put his hand on my leg and said "(Tinders) is that a chicken fillet poking out of your bikini?"
I looked down and realised "Yes, yes it fudging is"
I then got the giggles. He was cool about it and laughed. but everytime I tried to calm down I couldnt. I would just picture it again and start laughing. in the end I took it out and threw it at him.
After all the chilling and misadventures we had couples full body massage and we both almost fell asleep after an hour on the tables. I love being touched. So good. And as I had taken my bikini top off at the masseuse's request the banker helpfully came over when they left the room at the end to do it back up and was very sweet about handing me the fillets. And then I took him for lunch. We had the whole day just messing around, caught a movie and he suggested going back to his. The sauna and massages have always been a HUGE turn on for me, so I was more than down to go back to his. He lived with two other guys and their pad was so manly. The bedrooms were downstairs and the kitchen, open plan living area and a huge balcony were upstairs. We snuggled on the sofa and he had two cats in the pad who got heavily involved. As we re-enacted some teenage style making out the kitties would interject at regular intervals. And as this was a Friday at around five one of his flat mates got home from work and came bounding up the stairs into the open plan living space. We sprang apart like kids and when the guy came in I recognized him as someone I had matched with on tinder the day before. #SmallWorldHuh.
I said I should get going and the banker offered to drive me back in his Audi. (What else would a banker drive huh?) And I told him on the way home about the matching with his flatmate. He just teased me and then asked when we could see each other next. I was pretty busy that week and we arranged to go out again on the following Friday. I swiping on tinder most nights out of habit by this point I wasn't really looking-looking. And every night The Banker was coming up. For the uninitiated when you match with someone that's usually it. Unless you unmatch them you won't come across them again. But when I mentioned it to my flat mate he explained if you pay for tinder you have this thing that's like a power-hour where you can make yourself come up first to all the women on the look out. So the banker was paying every night to catch extra girls. We had been on two dates. He'd been generous and attentive and I was still swiping too. So what could I say? Nothing. But it wasn't exactly romantic. #ThatsTinderForYou.
We had also gotten into this running joke about the ten date rule and had made calculations that golf had been one, dinner two, the spa counted as another two so = four, lunch was five and the snuggles back at his were six. He was a numbers man for sure.
So friday came and I met him in the Wharf after work, he was hanging from a #ThirstyThursday session and I had said I was cool if he needed to re-arrange but he told me that "I was easy to be around and had it been anyone else he would of but he knew I would cheer him up" I swallowed this up the way I do chocolate ice-cream. We were meant to go bowling but when we got there the lanes were closed, so we just went for food. I cannot remember what it was called but it's this place in greenwich where you pay a set fee and get a red and green thing. If you leave yourself showing green the people who walk around with all the different cuts of meat keep filling you up. We are talking chicken, beef, lamb like the whole range. There's masses of salad on offer too but it's def not one for the vegetarians out there.
Being a sausage lover I was fine though. And when he suggested going back to his again he didnt have to ask me twice. I wasn't planning to have sex with him. But I was up for pushing some boundaries and hitting some bases. I mean he was 6.4 and hot and so far, into spoiling me. Was he actively dating around? Sure - so obvs I wasnt planning on going all the way, but I wasnt a nun.
So back at his - netflix came on. And I had my first ever #NetFlixAndChill. It was exactly as you would expect. Very little TV was watched and lots of massages happened.
So It wasn't exactly like this but when it was time for my massage there was some serious snogging going down and in the heat of the moment I told him to rip off the body that I was wearing . So if you dont know then bodies are usually held together with poppers at the crutch. And with a well aimed tugwilll pop open and you can then pull them off like a normal top. The banker was a literal kind of guy though and when I said "rip if off" he (rather like a 6.4 hulk) ripped the fabric open with two hands somewhere around my lower tummy. Looking down at the hole in my top we both laughed as I explained what I had intended and gave a little tug of the poppers to illustrate my point.
After a decent massage we went back to getting into trouble and some how my jeans came off too.
Now as things started to get steamy I was adamant that as my matching underwear was still on (in spite of some serious attempts to get it off - FYI this one was totally capable of undoing a bra. One handed) that I would behave. By his calculations attempted bowling and dinner and the netflix still only had us on 8 dates. So I was going in for the #TeaseButDontPlease approach. Somehow though his pants came off. And we ended up at the crucial moment. Now I am not saying I would of. Like I wanted too but as he tried to round fourth base his flatmates got in from the pub. His bedroom door was right outside the front door downstairs. And they were in a rowdy mood. He didnt have a lock on his door, and out of nowhere he lost his hard-on.
This hadnt happened to me before. I didnt really know what to do.
We cuddled for a bit but there was an ENORMOUS elephant in that room. Or rather there wasn't any more. I made some noises about being tired and he offered to drive me home. On the way back he was so sleepy/hungover/lacking in man-power he actually got a bit lost driving (it was like 4 miles in a straight direction) he kissed me goodbye when we made it back and said he would text me when he got home.
Never heard from him again.
Lessons learned.
1) Players gonna play
2) Maybe he was only after one thing? The girls thought he was embarrassed about what happened. I think he was just having an extended hoe-faze and the dates were a cover up to get his leg over. Who knows. And to be totally honest I don't actually care. If you cant stay hard then #StepAsideSon.
The banker still came up on my tinder for ages after. Guess how #Left I went?