Henry was a sweetie.
Like literally the sweetest. So we had been texting for a while in amongst the others and when we finally met he took me for my favourite meal at one of my most favourite resturants The Breakfast club in London bridge. Henry was like a puppy. Enamoured in all I said and did from the minute I stepped out the tube. I am not proud of this - It's just what happened. In fact it would of been easier had he not. Way easier.
After our yummy food he led me over the road to a bavarian beer bar. It was basically like an indoor german beer festival and would be a great night out with your mates if you like that kind of thing (Masses of drunk happiness in the atmosphere) Everyone was drinking (unsurprisingly) german beer and we moved downstairs where the live band were doing german style covers of classics. If you are wondering what this means it's easier just to go see it, but take it from me it was full of Lol's. People were dancing on and alongside the long tables. It was loud and Henry moved from across the benches to sit next to me. Asked me if I was okay and stroked my hair, pulled me up by the hand to dance and we joined in with all the drunk people around us.
He was a good dancer which I loved, and after a while he mentioned going somewhere more quiet - I suggested one of my favourite pubs in that area of town: The Founders Arms. It's a big venue with loads of outside space right along the Thames with all the views and in the summer you cannot move it gets so rammo. People spill out and drink bottles alongside the river sunbathing and it's just generally always an awesome time to be in the city - you have views of central and all its sexy architecture and well known landmarks along the water for days...≤3
This was chilly January though and it was quiet enough that saturday that we got a table. We continued to talk about all sorts. He told me more about his past working as a sniper for the British Army, he glossed over his tours in Iraq and his upbringing in Yorkshire. Once his time in the army was up (7 Years service) he got out and went in to what a lot of ex-army dudes seem to - closed circuit protection. He had also trained as a private medic for ambulances and was earning good money doing it in London. He had spent his past few summers on yachts doing security for rich functions. Henry was perfect on paper in that he was a good human. He cared about people - the ambulance work was he explained, sparked from his need to help people. Whilst he must of seen some awful stuff being a sniper he seemed unaffected. Caring, very respectful of me and others - the perfect gentleman. He explained very sincerely that he was keen to meet a woman to settle down with. For a long term single pringle - especially in London where every fudger has one eye on what's next this was full power stuff....
And he was attractive. A strong build (he went to the gym twice a day) and a very solid and symmetrical face, tall enough - aesthetically pleasing all round. Whilst I still didn't (and dont) feel that need to be in a relationship - one with someone with his values wouldn't be a bad thing . But I didn't feel it for him. I wish I had as I am certain we would of now been official meaning the girls and my family could stop worrying i'll end up marrying some moggys and growing old alone sans any decent d!ck.
The thought of commitment scares me, but I know when it's right it will just be easy. As Henry and I chatted, because I didn't get huge sparks with him I found it easier than ever to enjoy his company and the giggles and story-swapping flowed the way it always does with someone you get on with. But for me it was just as I would be with a new friend. After more drinks I got itchy feet and wanted to go to Madisons. Its about a 15 minute walk over the bridge from the Founders Arms to St Paul's by Bank and another of my favourite spots in that area. Again this is one of my most treasured things about the city. SO much on your doorstep. Henry hadn't been to Madisons' before and went into full army mode getting his google maps out and checking our route. As we walked over the bridge across the Theames he stopped and we took in the view behind us of London Bridge and the Shard lit up at night and he lent down and kissed me. For a mild mannered gentleman he knew his way around a snog.
Up in the lift to Madison's we walked out into the packed venue and he loved the views just as much as everyone does. That place always gives me a buzz, if you haven't been I cannot recommend it enough. You will get prime rooftop bar views and swanky fun on tap. We got pretty tipsy for the rest of the date and the kissyness continued throughout the evening. Like I said he was hot - I just didnt want him enough. Its not that I was immune to his charms and goodness...I just knew deep down I wouldnt be able to commit to him. I'd still have one eye on who else might be around. When someone has your attention for me everyone else fades away. I need that in a man. And it's massively why I am still single. . It's so tricky to define attraction - what makes someone good looking and decent spark your soul? After all this dating I think it's their soul - when you know you really do know.
When it was time for tinderella to head home he had me up against a pillar kissing as we waited for my uber. But he was still a gentleman when we said goodnight. He asked if he could come back, and looked sad but didn't strop when I said no. He text before I had even been driven off the street to say it was the best date he had ever had. But guess what this silly little madam was doing? A song had come on in the uber I'd not heard it before - little mixes "Touch" and it made me cry. (I was totally drunk FYI) but the lyrics cut right through me - it was exactly the feeling the MD had given me the past three months. Less than two weeks post ending it this little madam wasnt quiet over it. Especially when tipsy. So I spammed all the princesses instead of the MD:
Me: "I want to send him this song, I miss him"
The girls "DONT - just marry Henry"
I left Henry on read that night. It didnt help that the MD was still messaging and whilst I would wait up to three days to respond he would play on my mind like mad.
I felt bad for ignoring Henry that night but in that state how could I reply? I didnt want to say "me too" as it would of been a massive lie and I wasn't sure why I didnt want him. It was a fun date. He was hot and kind and sweet. but he wasn't the best date I had ever had.....The next day I thanked him for an awesome time and he asked 'how soon we could meet again under socially acceptable terms?"
It made me smile and I said wednesday. He went to a huge effort planning a relaxing and fun date in for us - checking out every cool venue between mine in Stratford and his in Brixton for watching a movie the way london does so well - ie on rooftops, or in laydown chairs in funky cinemas. And we kept messaging. He would send the most thoughtful and caring texts, call when he said he would and couldnt of been more sweet or complimentary. His bottom line was he wanted to make me his princess.
And he was horny too. So that helped. But when I would send him memes he would reply. "Haha you love those" And I kept comparing him to the MD who would of sent two back, told me I was the sexiest thing alive and that I was hilarious.
So. Stupid. But its tough to tell your heart to be over what it feels even when it's bad for you. Come the day of mine and Henry's second date I cancelled. I just couldnt do it. Henry got upset. and a bit stroppy. I told him the truth. I wasn't over the last person I had been seeing and I didnt think it was fair to see him when my head wasn't in the same place as his was. He had been very clear what he wanted. And it was too much too soon for me. Should I have been dating again? .......I wasnt sure either, but I wasnt going to sit in every weekend mooning over someone who didnt want me properly. I just wanted a distraction at that point. Some light hearted flirting...and I had to have that fire. I couldnt be with a man that didnt make me laugh until my knickers melted off.
He didnt take it well. At all. And kept messaging essays for ages afterwards. I felt really guilty. Like I had led him on and hurt his feelings..... so I kept responding saying he was amazing and deserved the world but I couldn't give it to him and he just kept trying to convince me he was for me and what we had was too good to ignore. It went on and on and bloody on. The boys I lived with said block. The girls said go out with him. After a to many late night essays over the next two months he finally stopped. But I should of cut it off after the first one.
Lessons learned.
1) Be careful with boys feelings. They have them too even if it seems like men don't.
2) If anyone wants a decent and good looking fella hit me up. Henrys one of the good ones for sure.
3) Don't listen to music if you have a sore heart and are drunk. It will fuck with your head. Ed sheerans "The shape of you" came out a few days later and that ruined me too. Now I just like the song. but at the time it was aggers.
