20 Things Not To Do The Weekend Post A Break-UP

Read this BEFORE you and your smartphone get drunk, the weekend hits and you are wading through an emotional minefield of texts from your ex, drunk calls… and social media is calling your name….

p.s this is an almagamation of squad experiences....so if you have already been here and done it - least you know you are alone tinderellas ;)

1. Its Friday night – you are free once more and BACK IN THE GAME. You decide to post memes about how the streets have been waiting for you to be single again.

2) Down in your favourite bar you and the girls drink all the gin. You move sensibly on to tequila.

3) Upload a “sexy” new profile picture to show him what he has lost at 2.30am.

4) When he texts you at 3am saying “I miss you” you do the clever thing and leave on it on unread but cuddle your phone as you pass out back home. One nil to you.

5) Its Saturday morning. You are hanging. You continue not to reply to his message but obsess about what he meant by those three little words.

6) Creep through his social media incessantly and then lose your sh!t when you find exactly what you were looking for (he liked a pretty girls photo two weeks ago - that total MANWHORE)

7) Text ALL your friends to tell them what an "a hole you knew he was all along" and "how you have totally done the right thing" breaking things off.

8) Come Saturday afternoon you decide to go on a mad right-swiping-spree through tinder.

9)You say yes to a date with an obvious wrong un.

10) Post about the GREAT (imaginary) date you have just had on your way home. Because “that will show him”.

11)1 am: post Saturday night date. Tipsy again and in the mood to talk. You call him when you are in the uber on your way home alone after the predicted #BadTinderDate.

12) Ring him another 3 times when he doesn’t pick up. Then text him “you would be like that” when he still doesn’t answer. Minus 4 points

.

13) Its Sunday morning. You finally realise you are being a ninny.

14) delete all attention seeking posts and photos from social media in a cloud of hungover shame. Apologise for spamming all your friends with this nonsense. At last you block him on all platforms.

15) Sunday afternoon. You have eaten all the takeout. And some ice cream and some left over Christmas biscuits you don’t even like..

16) Unfortunately in your sugar and carb binge you have also found the energy to work out that you can unblock him….All pride now diminished you text him and ask him to block you. As it’s the only way.

17) Cry when he does. Minus 10 points.

18) Monday Morning. Resets to zero. You will never again fall for a man who even smells like he might be trouble…

19) You are in the queue for your coffee in pret when a cute guy smiles at you. You smile back. Let him add you on Instagram.

20) Repeat steps 1-20 in about 3-4 month’s time.