The next night out on Gili T I met another beefy Kiwi who asked us over to join a game of beer-pong with his mates. Turns out his girlfriend was part of the team and she wasn't shy about letting us know she didn't really like the fact we were now in the game. Back over at the bar I got talking to an Aussie. Hot, no girlfriend in sight - looking good I thought. After a while his friend came over and whispered something in his ear. The guy lent down and said to me "I just have to ask- Are you a lady boy?"
"Uh no Richie - afraid not"
"Sorry it's just you are v.pretty and I had to be sure" (He was drunk and I was wearing a lot of make-up)
He looked at me quizzically and in the end I said:
"Well I am not gonna prove it to you son" and off I flounced.
I found out later that in that part of the world lady boys are really common. But at the time I was totally offended. Like how in any way do I, Tinderella, resemble a bloke?
The next night after a LUSH ASS dinner , I was standing in the ladies of a bar sideways-on checking my reflection for bloating in front of the full-length mirror. I wore basically nothing all holiday so there was nowhere to hide any food. A beautiful man walked past and just as drunk as me, he stopped in the open door way. Put his hand out to touch my bare tummy and then thought twice. He said, "You look great lass - stop worrying"
"Uh- ta" I blushed at being caught out staring at myself and I slipped back to my seat at the beach bar. I was just telling Ruth about the gorgeous bloke I had seen, when he slid into the empty seat next to me.
"Hello Missy" he said. He was a sexy mancunian and had been living over in Oz for three years and was out here on holiday. 29, tall, tanned, dark-haired with eyes as blue as the sea out there and a killer smile. The three of us chatted and Ruth slipped in our fake jobs coined in Cannes (if you are interested mine is - "Hi, i'm an air hostess and I work for Virgin")
As we continued flirting Ruth said she was thinking of heading back for an early night (Big fake yawn) Dick, as we shall call him said he just needed to go chat to his friend and told us "I promise i will be right back, one minute"
As Ruth and I began a shenanigan plan she stopped talking. "Tinders" she said. "Uh, I think hes got a girlfriend"
"Huh - what do you mean?"
"Well hes over there sat with another couple and a hot blonde girl. Oh wait, yup - he just kissed her"
I turned and looked over across the bar. Dick and a pretty blonde were holding hands. A while later we watched the four of them leave and Dick made absolutely no eye contact as he slipped out.
We headed back to the hotel and waiting in the pool right outside our room were Hannah's hot Aussie male mates. We had seen them out earlier in the night and moved on. They were enormous roided-up hotties but you could tell they were riddled. Guys that big, that tattooed and that hot might as well come with STI kits and as appealing as they look, dont usually get me going. No one wants chlamydia.
"It's the girls" they guys sang as we approached. "Get in gorgeous the water's lovely" the biggest one said to us leaning against the edge of the pool.
"Fuck it" I thought. The cocktails and the near misses had me slipping out my shorts, pulling my crop top off and walking up the steps to the pool. Dylan the naughtiest one got out and took his swimming trunks off. Starkers standing there grinning he asked me "where had I been all his life"
Laughing I slid in the pool and Ruth texted Stefan from our veranda watching the whole thing in fits of giggles taking snaps.
As the other two tried to entice her in security appeared. Now Dylan and Co weren't technically staying here (Hannah was but they were further down the road - our pool was better) so they shouldn't really of been there. And they got thrown out. As I clambered out the water, soaking wet in a sparkly bikini dripping water followed out by an enormous naked Australian I mustered as much front as I could and said good night to security.
This got wayyy to long again so #Round3