In the morning Ruth was off on a day course diving and I decided to have a snoop on Tinder thinking “I wonder if it works out here?” Turns out there were tonnes of dudes out for a swipe. The most appealing that bit back was a guy from Brighton. Neil was gorgeous. Travelling via Bali to Cambodia and we met later than day for a smoothie. His pictures included one of him in a charity auction wearing only his well stocked underpants. 28, 6.2, built, dark, tasty and a giver. On paper he was perfect. He had come out six months ago with his girlfriend. But she had left him for an Aussie. #Harsh and he had kept on travelling sans his Mrs. #PoorPoppet.
Whilst he was stupidly hot he just had no chat. None I got excited over anyway. This has happened to me a few times - met guys who have been travelling in the past and I’ve been super excited as in my head this equals someone totally free spirited, fun and full of life experience. And whilst everyone wants different things and its very naughty to stereotype, I am just saying my experience so far has found them all .......a little sleepy. Maybe they are just so relaxed they don’t have that quick-fire thing I love. When you bounce jokes back and forth until you are both laughing your heads off. They are more just like:
"Oh yeah I went here. It was chill."
I will be like “Cool what did you do? What did you eat? Where did you dance?” and they are like:
“Yeah we went to this one place. Its was good.”
Neil didn't seem to find our convo as unexciting as me and suggested moving to another spot for more food. I went but it was more to eat than to keep flirting. I did try but it was like talking to someone else's hot boyfriend. Cool but no sparks and no desire for any either.
He suggested going back to mine to check out the pool but I just couldn’t do it. I would rather of read a sexy book than kept leading him on.
Back on the boat the next day we headed for Seminyak. Now this place is just like London (its Balis' capital city) except unlike London it's on the beach and always roasting hot. We were now in #CosmoBarbieMode Back in Rooftop bars, so many sexy little boutiques full of Aussie designers, (gooseberry intimates is the lingerie thing me and the London princesses go crazy over on Insta and they had a real life shop out here) They even have a mall with Topshop and co. And of course lush food.
The restaurants are all so fancy. Everywhere we ate waiters would explain the "concept "of the food before you order and each place has (at least one) indoor water feature. Its so plush, delicious and cheap.. Our hotel was the equivalent of £30 a night and in the morning at breakfast they have a separate man who just stands at his station smiling and makes you which ever eggs you fancy. If you can't decide he will do poached and scrambled. You dont even need to ask, if you merely look quizzical when making such a tough choice he will resolve the issue for you. #ThisWouldntHappenInATravelLodgeHuh #VendingMachineCrispsFor£2Instead
Our views round the pool https://tijili-hotel.com/seminyak/
And the one time it (briefly) rained the staff carried umbrellas over our hair dos to the waiting taxi they will order you as you mince off to dinner. Unlike in London where you just have to take your life in your hands on the tube.
There is so much to do in Seminyak day and night. Surfing, shopping eating and cosmopolitaning around. One of the best spots at night is La Favela. It's this crazy mexican themed playground that serves fancy spicy food and then turns into a club. When everyone's grinding off on the dance floor they turn all the lights off and ramp the music up and it's gets loose AF.
We met so many guys that night and the best of the bunch was this Aussie dude and his mates. Now I was totally tipsy by this point but you will just have to trust my and my cocktail goggles that he was incredible. So tall, ripped up, dirty blonde hair and cheeky blue eyes. A massive surfer. I just remember catching his eyes across the dance floor and he next thing I knew he was beside us.
He brought ruth and I some drinks and we started doing all that sexy dancing you think you are so good at once drunk (But in reality you would NEVER want to see a video of). I remember that he kissed like he had invented it and when the night ended he asked us back to his villa with his friends. To bang or not to bang? I mean I was hella tempted but in the end I decided that whilst he had been worth waiting for - it was my last night in paradise and Ruth the one I wanted to wake up next too. With some steamy snogs goodbye and much attempted persuasion from our Paul, off the princess and I went. The next day we went to Potato head. Fudge me that place is IN-SANE. The main pool looks over the beach you can watch people surf and the sunset slip away sipping on cosmos at the swim-up pool bar. There are six different restaurants across three levels and the views will pierce your heart.
In the pool we made lots of friends. But none I wanted to get kissy with. This didnt stop them trying and a group of Brazilians were the most persistent. Later in the afternoon I was so relieved I didn't give in. The naughtiest guy in their group ended up snogging a woman so much her bikini bottoms came off. I mean he fcuked in the middle of the pool right against the wall under one of the fountains. Sat at the swim-up bar we all watched mouths open as penetration and sex faces occurred.
His mates went mental cheering and clapping. But where were hers (she was sooo wavy at this point)? We didn’t know - but we got out of there quick-time. Afraid of catching babies (or worse) from the now infested water we swam to safety. I flew home the next day and as you can tell I've never really gotten over how good it was.
Lessons learned.
1) Ruth is an amazing princess. Two solid weeks with this one and we went from good friends to #BaliSistahsForLyfe. She is an incredible poppet and I would recommend her to anyone who likes adventures and laughing and being cared about. She is also really clever and you will learn loads just hearing her think out loud. Plus she looks really cute when she falls asleep on boats etc so that's always fun. And she will encourage you to climb Volcanoes, teach you how to snorkel and make you feel like you can do anything you put your mind too.
2) Bali.Is.Everything
3) Apparently all this single-girl time waiting-for-a-good-one-nonsense has broken me and I can no longer sleep with men on holiday just because they are fit. I actually do have to really fancy someone’s soul as well now #CantEvenGetAHolidayBang #RealTalk
Neil and I still text safely as friends, he is back in B-town and is coming up in a few weeks to LDN for a visit. The Aussies are all in touch on insta. And I follow every account that feeds me Bali views like the fan girl that I am.
Things to check out if you go:
In Ubud
https://www.grandpasbali.com/ - Great food and smoothies
http://www.gelatosecrets.com/ - These are all over the place and do every flavour of icecream you could wish for.
EVERY restaurant is crazy-tasty - buy the lonely planet or just walk around. You can't go wrong.
http://www.balitrekkingtour.com/mount-batur-trekking/ - this is worth missing a nights sleep. Plus you get pancakes and chocolate sauce. (Take tissues and hand sanitizer though as the loos aren't the nicest.)
http://www.baturhotspring.com/ - this will wash the Volcanic Ash off when you hit the bottom
https://jaensspa.com/ - Where the muller corner boob rubbing occurs
IMO avoid the monkey forrest. Those little dudes are rachet and will pull your hair. But it's your holiday!
On Gili T - Again All the food is insane but:
The Banyan Tree - Awesome eats day and night
The Night Market. Check this one out if you eat no where else. You cant miss it walking around and your tummy wont want to.
Be careful which horses you ride, some are mistreated,this will change so best to just keeps your eyes out when you are there for ones that dont look to skinny or sore.
Yoga and paddle boarding/Snorkelling is everywhere if you want it.
The best places to dance change each night. Just ask around or follow the music.
There are several Outdoor cinemas - again you cant miss them the best one was
https://www.pearloftrawangan.com/
And the beach front restaurants here were exceptional
http://manta-dive.com/diving-accommodation-gili-islands/pool-view-bungalows/ This was our hotel - SICK
In Seminyak:
Eat and dance and play in
http://www.lafavela.com/
https://www.ptthead.com/
http://www.bali-indonesia.com/seminyak/ku-de-ta.htm
http://www.bali-indonesia.com/magazine/double-six-rooftop.htm
You can get surfing lessons every where and you wont be able to miss the shops- there's sooooo much more to do in the country than I had chance. But it was a good starting point.
And dont forget your manners:
Terima kasih (Tree-Ma-Gassy) is thank you
Kiri is left and Kanan is right. I think.
Just smile and they will help you for sure.