Hints and Tricks for lil' Tinderellas

Matching

So I play tinder when I am killing time. I just like looking at the pictures really, and aside from this blog, I have never paid it much thought. It's not like I am using it to find a husband. For most people I speak to who are on it, they use it because we all use the internet for everything. Shopping: for clothes, houses, holidays, food, anything you ever wanted off Amazon and Dates too. Swiping for me is pretty much like: left-left left-left left-left left-left left-left (JAYSUS what a left) left-left, Ohhh Hello Right, left-left left-left WOW screen-shot-send-to-girls-kinda-left and so on.

(Single) Flat Brother One Dom has a different approach. He will spend a respectful amount of time looking through all the photos women post, he even reads their profiles before he decides and sometimes for really fit ones he even gets a “super-like” out. I CBA with all that. I should really though as if you are going to meet someone IRL it’s a solid idea to actually check out what they have said about themselves, if anything. As mentioned previously though, I am much more responsive when you get me talking. Images only do so much for this Tinderella.

If I was you though I would totally say you will save your self sometime if you took the more considered approach. Only the other day I ended up on a date with someone, who if I had actually read his profile I would never have gone near. So you have been warned.

Making moves

Back when I first went on the market I was still living the small-town life and was flatmates with a hot-girl. She is now a fitness model, and as always she looks superfly. At the time we were both pringles and tinder wasn’t really thing. It was all about Plenty of Fish round my way. #SmallTownTings. Me and Vikki would sit there having a gawp at what was around. She took the approach of "If i want him - imma have him" and would message guys first and always got a date if she fancied one. I was the opposite. Aside from not feeling that need to be with someone. (All this time riding solo has been awesome. So why would I rush into settling down?) IMO it's one of the best things about the zeitgeist in LDN. Nobodys judging you for your life choices.

And so I would only reply to men that messaged first, and this still rings true today. My view is that if I go right for a guy, it's the equivalent of me smiling back at him in a bar. I've given him an "in" and its up to him if he wants to come chat.

"What a stuck up little madam" you may cry.

Well not really. I just have an old fashioned view that men are made to chase women. Plenty would disagree. I mean Bumble (an app created where women are the only ones allowed to message first) sh!ts all over my approach. So I get that people will think it's an outdated Idea and goes against being a strong independant little feminist. But thats the point of an opinion right? Its a personal view.

I think this way largely for self preservation. I mean if you wanna start things off by chasing him, you set the precedent for running after a dude down the line. And everyone loses interest in clingers. The unattainable is what drives us to try harder in life. And IMO the same is true for dating. There are exceptions to this. But in a big city where everyone is talking to multiple people at once, you dont wanna be running after guys. If he chooses one of the three other people he is seeing over you then not having put too much of yourself out there up front, will stop you having to give a fcuk.

So I just see who I get on with best out of those who make an effort and it becomes obvious who is really interested pretty quick. I actually feel sorry for guys on this, as they have to put all the work in chasing girls. We are sooo worth it when they manage to catch us though. So #SwingsAndRoundAboutsHuh

I would always say "don’t text him first girl" However if you have a thick skin and can handle a little rejection from time to time (or are a fitness model) then text away! It's your love life at the end the day. and as you may have noticed by now, I have little idea what I am doing dating. As with most things in life, do whatever you are comfy with bub, and you wont go far wrong.

Pre-date

As I mentioned before, if you match and get too all the chatting and he suggests a date - add the little monkey on Instagram. Make sure he is who he says he is. Some guys make it easy and link their insta to their tinder profile. #GoodJobBub #KeepTheSnapsComing.

Doing it early means it's less tricky cutting them off if they are hiding something big, like a wife. And you can work out a bit about there personality and interests too, see if he (unlike moi) is a massive heavy metal fan etc.

Sometimes I call them too, on the day of the date or on my way over to meet them. I like to check their voice out first and it calms down any nervousness. Whilst I rarely get flutterbyes now, I used too in the beginning, and talking always chills me out.

Sexting and (fudging) dick pics

I mean you really shouldn't listen to me on this one. I am a regular hawn-dog, who just almost never puts out. A good girl would probably say, "save it for down the line when you are seeing each other". And for sure when this happens, sexting will occur on the daily then. #KeepThatHeat

But early on?.... for me it depends how well we have been getting on. If its going good and you catch me at the right time I will send semi-saucy photos when requested. And detailed descriptions. Nothing to x-rated #TeaseButDontPlease. But when it comes to dick-pics? if I want one I will ask for it. Seriously. I have an album on my phone full of (unrequested) cock shots. And 100% these photos have been sent to at least 50+ other women - so it just puts me off when it's too soon.

Again what you do is up to you. Just dont put your face in anything. You have no idea who you are talking too before you meet them, no idea who might be sending your snaps on to their group chat, showing there colleagues' (nosy sharons love that sh!t) or flat mates your rude bits, or even featuring you in their new blog. And nobody needs that kind of agg.

The only other word of caution I would give is meet them asap. Especially if you are gonna get fruity in the texts. The worst is when you have been vibing for a few weeks, taken it Waayyy to far in the sexting and then when you meet IRL you are like. "Oh. Um. Hi" - frantically texts the girls code-word (TOMATOES) under the table for the call to say "Oh no - something bad happened? Sure I am coming. Right away..."

How soon to smush and the ten date rule

Now it's 2017, and if you are DTF and a regular Samantha Jones then good for you. Get yours honey. Personally I can’t. I had a one night stand (well it was three one night stands with the same guy) years ago. And I caught all kinds of feelings and realised I just wasn’t built for the Casual-Karen shagging-around thing. I would much prefer to be able to do this as I have missed out on a lot of sex living this way.

You know how guys can just switch off any emotion and fcuk? Well if you can do it then hats off.

If you are like me and would find yourself sat wondering what happened if they didn’t text after; keep your knickers on little one. Go mad in Ann summers if you need to, and know there is nothing wrong with waiting for someone you are excited about who will care about you. Time and time again I have found that whilst a man seems really keen, if you wont fcuk him right away then he loses interest for one that will put out. This is where the ten-date rule has helped. When he is looking down your top or smiling at your butt as you walk, stick it right out there on the first date. You don’t have to be rude, just smile and say playfully "You know its gonna take you 10 dates right?" See what the guy does.

In London especially, with the thousands of dates happening across the city on any given night of the week it’s easy to see why a lot of people aren’t after anything serious. There is so much choice. And this culture of dating and casual sex over relationships is also fuelled by peoples' circumstances.

In a big city, more so over what I ever saw back in the shire, people’s jobs can be full-power. Time after time I meet or get talking to people (guys and girls) who aren’t even in town half the week, sometimes for months at a time. And when you or they aren’t spending 50+ a week at work the last thing they have time for is the R-word. So plenty of girls and boys are just looking for some quick and meaningless contact. Whilst this is great. It just doesn't make my victoria secret pantaloons fall off.

Like I said though, no judgement here if you wanna get loose. In fact tell me ALL the details.

Dates and who pays

Where you meet and what you will do all depends on who you are talking to, how much you have gotten on so far, and what night of the week it is. As a general rule, drinks are easy peasy. there are ENDLESS bars and cool spots all over London, and unless its somewhere you really wanna go, meeting in the middle of either of your offices is a fair shout. If a guy wants you to travel more than half an hour just for an average pub, don't bother bub. he's lazy and if it's near where he lives he's trying get you drunk and into his lair. Trust me.

If you have had some sparks and both commit to a weekend date then this is always a bit more exciting. Brunch is popular up here. Boozey brunches even more so. I am sh!t at day-drinking though so I try to avoid it (unless with the princesses) as I will get carried away. Everytime. Without fail, and have to go home at 8pm and lay down in the uber en-route. Saturday afternoons spent playing top golf or at Bounce on the ping-pong are fun. So many cool food markets to walk round too and have a munch in, or in the summer even just picking one of the many lush little parks around to have a picnic and drinks in. I mean have a peak at Secret London if you want ideas on cool new stuff to do.

https://www.facebook.com/SecretLDN/

Fancy dinner dates have there place, but I would almost always pick an activity myself. If he does suggests dinner and I like him then I will always go. As noted I love food. When it comes to paying - personally I only let them pay on a first date if I like them. This means I am open to a second date and will pay next time. If I dont like them then I dont think it's polite to mug someone off and then take there money too so I will go dutch. But again, do whatever works for you if he has suggested something pricey to start with then he should pay for it, on a first date at least.

For me It's the same accepting drinks off real life boys when I am on a night out. I wont take one unless he's got some chat I want to hear. I cant stand gold diggers, or entitlement and on this at least I get well feministy.

Sometimes they are just #wank3rs though. When splitting the bill with one guy he actually got his phone out and calculated that as he hadn't had a side, my share was actually £3.50 more than his. "Oh cool Dave, yeah no worries mate, here's your change" #WhatADouche

Ending things

After a first date if they are not a bit of me, I always send a pre-saved text, edited for the guy. "Thanks for an great time, you were really cool/hot/fun but I just dont think we are the right fit" Mostly guys are happy, and if they didn't already think the same thing about me, I feel better for being honest. The odd one gets a mild strop-on, but this just highlights the fact we weren't a good match after all. I like it when guys do this for me too. Much better to be upfront and move on, rather than sitting there wondering if he has been stuck up a tree for the last two weeks with no reception. Like I washed my hair for you, so if you didnt feel it - let me and the barnet know.

If it takes you a few dates to figure it out its not going anywhere then again texting is best. Don't take him out again just to dump him though poppet.

Anything over a few months then respect should be paid. We all remember that episode of SATC #HeBrokeUpWithMeOnAPOST-IT

A phone call is fine depending how deep you guys got, or in person if it was a big one and you need to collect stuff back from theirs. The only time I couldn’t end something face to face that had gone on for months was fairly recently. And let's just say I wouldn’t of made it out of there with my Vikki S' still on, or my morals still intact. So I took the whatsapp way out for safety reasons.